Without trust, you’ll have reason to worry whenever your husband isn’t around. Is he doing what he says he is or has he lied to you? Without trust, you can’t be 100% sure that your husband is committed to you. Is he in this relationship for the long haul or is he just waiting until something better comes along? Without trust, you can’t be positive that your husband will do his best to respect and care for you. Will he embarrass or demean you in front of other people?
Try to voice your concerns in a non-accusatory way. You don’t want to put your husband on the defensive if you don’t have to. Try taking an open, friendly tone. For example, you might open by saying, “Hey, I was wondering if we could talk about us for a few minutes. " As you make your points, say how his actions make you feel rather than criticizing him personally. You don’t just have to communicate only negative things to him — feel free to open up about how great he makes you feel as well.
It’s also important to show your husband that you’re listening. Maintain good eye contact and nod your head every once in a while. Occasionally, repeat back a point he’s just made.
However, this doesn’t mean that you should turn a blind eye to evidence of bad behavior. Obvious warning signs — mysterious texts that cause him to cancel your dinner plans with no explanation, for instance — warrant investigation.
If you haven’t already, have an honest discussion with your partner that outlines your expectations for each other. Be prepared to speak up about things in your relationship that aren’t working, but make the conversation about what you feel, rather than what you suspect he is doing. For example, you might say, “When you’re always late home, I feel as though I’m not important to you. " Approaching it this way gives him the opportunity to see how you’re affected without being accused, which may lead to confrontation.
For example, you might start the conversation by saying something like this: “We need to talk. I don’t like that you’ve been lying about where you’ve been. If I can’t trust you, we’re going to have problems. " You’re making it clear that you’re upset, but you’re not completely allowing your emotions to run wild.
Try to make the punishment fit the crime here. [11] X Research source For instance, if you catch your husband sending flirty texts to a co-worker but he swears he hasn’t done anything else (and you believe him), it’s reasonable to avoid intimacy (sex, cuddling, affection, etc. ) until you’re sure that he’s not interested in anyone else.
Seeing these sorts of professionals isn’t something to be ashamed of. Many couples get professional help for a wide variety of marital issues. The fact that you’re willing to get help when it’s needed is something to be proud of, even if it’s not the sort of thing you’d volunteer as casual dinner conversation.
