Be clear about what you want so that your partner knows what to expect and can let you know if they’re into it, too. For example, you might say, “You’re so gorgeous, I’d love to watch you play with yourself. Would that be okay with you?” or “Can we try touching each other until we both come? I think that would be so hot. ”
One awesome thing about going solo together is that it’s a great way for you to learn what feels good to your partner, and vice versa. Ask them to pay close attention to what you’re doing so they’ll know what to do next time they get handsy with you. Don’t forget to return the favor and keep a close eye on their technique as well![3] X Research source To ramp up the excitement, turn it into a game. For example, you might challenge yourselves to see if you can both come at the same time. If you’re too shy to jump right into putting on a show for each other, ease into it slowly. You could start by doing it with the lights off or under the covers until you’re both comfortable enough to be totally exposed. [4] X Research source
Take it slow and be gentle with your partner, especially while you’re still figuring each other out. Remember, you’re dealing with some very sensitive areas! Even if you’re touching each other instead of yourselves, you can still take this as a mutual teaching and learning opportunity. For example, if your partner is giving you a hand job, you can put your own hand over theirs and guide their movements.
Lie down side by side, facing one another or on your backs. This is a good starting position, since it gives you the option to just gaze into each other’s eyes if you’re not ready to peek at what’s going on downstairs. You can either take care of yourselves or reach across to touch each other. Straddle your partner while they lie on their back, and lower yourself down onto their belly or chest. Have fun riding them while you both get busy with yourselves. Or, switch places and try it with your partner on top. Have your partner sit or lie down with their legs spread, then climb into their lap, facing away from them (or vice versa). Whoever is on top may need to shift their butt to one side so the person on the bottom can easily reach between their legs. If you both like to watch (and show off), sit facing each other with your legs spread on a bed or couch. Then, the two of you can get off in full view of one another.
If you’re concerned about sexually transmitted infections (STIs), avoid swapping toys with your partner. [8] X Trustworthy Source National Health Service (UK) Public healthcare system of the UK Go to source If you really want to let them try one of your toys, clean and disinfect it according to the manufacturer’s directions, and wrap it up with a condom or other barrier before every use. [9] X Research source
For instance, maybe you’re into the idea of a threesome, but don’t want to actually go there. Talk it through with your partner while you touch yourselves or each other. Describe what you imagine might happen during your ideal encounter. If you want extra help, watch a porno together. Pick one with a scenario you both like and get immersed in it while you have fun together. Don’t be afraid to try a little dirty talk! Saying naughty things to your partner can really get you both going. [12] X Expert Source Jacqueline HellyerLicensed Psychosexual Therapist Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.
If something feels really good, don’t hold back—not only will it help your partner learn what you like, but they’ll probably also be super turned on by your sexual pleasure. For instance, when your partner is touching you, say things like “Mmm, that feels so good, keep going,” or “Hey, can you slow down a little?” Ask them things like, “Is this good?” or “Is it okay if I touch you here?”
For example, if you or your partner has a penis, put a condom on it. That way, you’re less likely to accidentally spread any semen or pre-ejaculate (precum) between you and your partner.
Make sure your partner is cool with it before you try to initiate a spicy phone call. You might have a conversation with them about it ahead of time, or ask them at the beginning of the call if they’re up for some sexy fun.
To be as safe as possible, stick to doing video sex with people you trust, and let them know you’re not okay with them recording you or taking screenshots. You can also maximize your safety by using an encrypted chat platform, like Signal or FaceTime.
If you’re video chatting, remember that your partner will be able to see your space. Tidy up a bit so there aren’t any pizza boxes or dirty socks in the frame to spoil the mood! Soft, warm lighting creates a flattering and intimate look when you’re getting frisky on camera. [19] X Research source
If you’re doing a video chat, ramp up the excitement by slowly stripping in front of the camera. You can even splash on a little perfume or cologne. Your partner won’t be able to smell it, but it can still help get you going.
If you want, start by setting the stage. Say something like, “I’m in bed right now, just wearing my boxers. I just got out of the shower and I’m still all wet. ” Talk about what you’re feeling as well as what you’re doing, since this will help make the experience more intimate. For example, you might say things like, “This feels so amazing,” or “I think I’m getting close. ”
For instance, you might say things like, “If you were here, I’d start by kissing your neck and slowly working my way down to your breasts. ” Or, “What would you want to do right now if we were together?” This is a great opportunity to explore a fantasy with your partner. Get as creative as you want. You’re only limited by your imaginations![22] X Research source
