Sex: A label you’re assigned at birth (i. e. , “male,” “female,” or “intersex”—a combination of male and female traits). Gender: An internal sense of who you are (i. e. , “male,” “female,” or “non-binary”—neither male nor female). Transgender: A gender that differs from what was assigned to you at birth. Cisgender: A gender that corresponds with what you were assigned at birth. Gender expression: The way in which you represent your gender to others (i. e. , what you wear, how you act, the interests you pursue). Sexual orientation: Your emotional, sexual, or relational attraction to others (i. e. , “gay/lesbian” to describe attraction to the same sex/gender, “bisexual” to describe attraction to multiple sexes/genders; “asexual” to describe a lack of attraction to anyone, etc. ) Queer: An umbrella term for anyone who either doesn’t identify as heterosexual or who doesn’t identify as cisgender or who is neither heterosexual nor cisgender. Questioning: When you are unsure or exploring your sexual orientation or gender. Two-Spirit: The Native-American term for tribe members who have a “two-spirit” identity and experience a unique, non-Western, and indigenous relationship with gender and sexual orientation. LGBTQIS-2: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transsexual, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, and/or Two-Spirit.
There is absolutely no evidence that external factors, like home life, influence gender or sexual orientation. Gender expression is a choice, but it’s a way to affirm—validate and honor—the gender someone already has. In some cases, people change their gender expression to “pass” as heteronormative, but this is a red flag that the environment they’re in isn’t welcoming or accepting. [3] X Research source To promote a society where everyone is free to express their gender in a way that affirms them, voice the tolerant stance that non-heteronormativity is not a “choice. "
In fact, the America Psychological Association (APA) has adopted a resolution that states that all mental health professionals should abstain from telling their clients to change their sexual orientation. Identifying as LGBTQIS-2 cannot be “cured,” but reinforcing the harmful belief that it can be leads to mental health challenges, including internal battles, self-harm, and a lack of self-acceptance.
When LGBTQIS-2 individuals receive open acceptance from friends, relatives, and community members, they’re much more likely to enjoy healthy, happy, and successful lives.
Avoid telling or accidentally pressuring someone you think might be LGBTQIS-2 to come out—that denies their autonomy and you might be mistaken. A LGBTQIS-2 person might not be ready to come out to themselves or that they might not be interested in labeling themselves at all. If someone who might be LGBTQIS-2 seems to come out to you, remain courteous but neutral. For example, if they say, “I’ve been meaning to share something about myself,” you might reply with a comment like, “I’m always here to listen. What’s on your mind?”
They might listen to the language people use or the political stances they share. They may watch for how others interact with other LGBTQIS-2 people and check to see if they form close friendships with those in the LGBTQIS-2 community. If they notice signs of discrimination and aren’t comfortable with coming out, they might make a comment like, “I’m not sure how tolerant everyone is. Sometimes they make some really offensive comments. "
Some LGBTQIS-2 individuals may resolve not to come out at all if they live in an environment that is very anti-LGBTQIS-2. LGBTQIS-2 people may also learn to “code switch”—change how they speak and act—depending on who they’re around and how accepting these individuals are. [9] X Research source In some cases, rather than coming out, those who identify as LGBTQIS-2 might try to “pass” as heteronormative to avoid criticism or other negative treatment. [10] X Research source
Someone who is LGBTQIS-2 might explain why they chose to come out to you—“You’ve always been so open-minded and progressive, so I knew I could be myself around you. " They might also reveal which relatives they’re more concerned about coming out to—“I know that grandma might take more time coming to terms with this. I wonder how I should approach it?” To create a more welcoming and tolerant dynamic, they may discuss how to address their identity—“Maybe we should talk about this before the holidays come up? It will give people more time to process what I’ve said. " There may be some cases in which LGBTQIS-2 people share their identity with some relatives but also make a request that they keep these details discreet.
Discuss the harms of bullying, such as social isolation and the risk of suicide. Outline what constitutes as harassment, bigotry, and hate speech. For example, share a pamphlet or PDF with students or colleagues. Set consequences for harassment as well as opportunities for restorative justice (conversations that a mediator facilitates so a person who made offensive remarks can address the impact of their comments). Speak up about the benefits of an inclusive environment, such as greater levels of collaboration and a higher degree of satisfaction among everyone in the community. [13] X Research source
There may be times when a LGBTQIS-2 person wants to feel fully integrated in a social group before they “come out. " For example, they may spend years working at a job before they introduce their colleagues to their partner. As LGBTQIS-2 individuals evolve and enter more spaces, they may find themselves coming out all over again. They might, for instance, join a new friend group. Eventually, they may chat about their background or their dating life.
LGBTQIS-2 people may share most details about their lives with their chosen family. Those in the LGBTQIS-2 community might even share conventional holidays, like Thanksgiving or Christmas, with each other rather than their bio-family. Chosen family can consist of trusted adults, mentors, lifelong friends, activity buddies, and others who understand the struggles LGBTQIS-2 people encounter.
Certain environments might imply that people shouldn’t address LGBTQIS-2 matters or may even ban these discussions. For example, certain regions might sign a bill that prohibits educators from talking about LGBTQIS-2 identities or rights. [17] X Research source Some faith-based communities might shun LGBTQIS-2 individuals or attempt to “reform” them. In other settings, people’s social programming might cause them to overlook LGBTQIS-2 people or exclude them. For example, certain kinds of work settings might celebrate a “traditional” and heteronormative brand of “masculinity. “[18] X Research source
The more that people brush aside any anti-LGBTQIS-2 comments as “innocent jokes” or “passing remarks,” the more that they normalize harmful rhetoric—it may even become everyday speech that LGBTQIS-2 people begin to regularly endure. Hate speech contributes to a culture of fear among LGBTQIS-2 people and increases the likelihood of hostility toward them. Studies have shown that victims of hate crimes reported hate speech in the past. Some countries have even criminalized hate speech in order to fight back against hate crimes.
LGBTQIS-2 youth who are rejected by their family are 8 times more likely to attempt suicide and 3 times as likely to use drugs than those who are accepted by their relatives. [21] X Trustworthy Source Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services Go to source Studies show that LGBTQIS-2 individuals whose families express support experience lower levels of health risks and experience greater wellbeing than those from families that don’t display tolerance. [22] X Research source Anti-LGBTQIS-2 harassment also correlates with lower levels of academic success since LGBTQIS-2 students are more likely to skip class or even drop out of school. [23] X Research source
If LGBTQIS-2 youth meet a whole group of trusted adults who celebrate their identity and provide counseling, they’ll be able to experience greater levels of trust and wellbeing during an important developmental period of their lives. LGBTQIS-2 adults can benefit from mental health advocates and professionals, too—if anyone who is LGBTQIS-2 tells you they are struggling, suggest that they see a counselor who specializes in LGBTQIS-2 issues. The Trevor Project offers free support from trained counselors—LGBTQIS-2 individuals can call, text, or chat at any time of the day to express their concerns.
If you have questions about standards, like personal pronouns, visit a site like pronouns. org to keep up-to-date with proper etiquette. Continue to review the latest resources on allyship and attend community events that focus on LGBTQIS-2 advocacy to develop your awareness and sensitivity. Remember, it’s okay to admit that you’re still learning about the LGBTQIS-2 community and that it’s a process for you.
Educate others about negative behaviors, like hate speech or discrimination. Undergo professional development to increase your knowledge about how to support LGBTQIS-2 individuals and how to create safer work or educational environments. Attend speeches and informational events run by the LGBTQIS-2 community to better understand the needs and perspectives of LGBTQIS-2 people.
To validate and affirm them, actively listen to their concerns. Wait for them to finish, then repeat back what you heard and empathize with them. Check in and ask if they want support in reporting any incidents of harassment or discrimination. If they ask you not to, respect their wishes. Remind them that you want them to be safe and point out the value in speaking to a mental health professional or a LGBTQIS-2 advocate.
Consider insights from a broad spectrum of LGBTQIS-2 people—for example, listen to an older generation that can impart wisdom about their history as well as LGBTQIS-2 youth, who can discuss current concerns. If you’ve made a mistake—for example, maybe your school doesn’t have clear language about anti-harassment policies—and a LGBTQIS-2 individual points this out to you, apologize and thank them for helping you grow.
Whenever you post pro-LGBTQIS-2 symbols, make sure that the places you direct LGBTQIS-2 people to are actually run by tolerant and respectful individuals. Display media that is inclusive of the LGBTQIS-2 community. For example, put up posters of same-sex parents, non-binary individuals, and LGBTQIS-2 role models.
Discuss steps that would create a more inclusive environment. Your church might, for instance, deliver a sermon on the power of respecting everyone’s humanity. Consider gestures that would be very meaningful for a LGBTQIS-2 individual. For example, if they’ve always wanted their relationship respected, invite their significant other over to take part in a family holiday. If your inner circle expresses reluctance, confusion, or ambivalence, reiterate your stance that you’re tolerant of the LGBTQIS-2 community.
American Psychological Association’s LGBT+ Resources: APA’s page about biases, coming out, LGBT+ identity, and community outreach Center for Disease Control and Prevention’s LGBT+ Resources: CDC’s page on bullying, suicide prevention, and concerns for LGBT+ teens Family Acceptance Project: A foundation that educates families and faith-based communities about the mental health risks LGBT+ people face True Colors United: An organization with a special fund to help intervene when LGBT+ people experience homelessness Native Youth Sexual Health Network: Health resources for two-spirit and Native American youth Safe Schools Coalition: Workshops and resources to prevent anti-LGBT+ bullying and harassment in schools Human Rights Campaign Foundation: Resources on child welfare for LGBT+ youth, family acceptance, and professional development Lambda Legal: A civil rights organization with legal resources available for LGBT+ individuals and anyone living with HIV The Trevor Project & The Trevor Lifeline: A suicide prevention organization and a 24/7 free crisis hotline
It’s absolutely not a requirement to have sex to determine your sexual orientation, nor do specific sex acts dictate what a person’s sexual orientation is. People come to terms with their sexual orientation in different contexts—some might have an awareness of theirs early on in life, while others realize who they’re attracted to when they are older. All kinds of incidents can result in someone identifying their sexual orientation, from childhood crushes to ideas about who they want to date. [32] X Research source
The “gender binary” is the concept that there are only 2 genders—male and female. Typically, “heteronormative” societies (communities in which heterosexuality is the norm) follow a gender binary. However, there are individuals who identify as neither male nor female and who do not refer to the gender binary to describe their identity. They may also call themselves “genderqueer,” “agender,” “bigender,” or any other word that captures their internal sense of self. A person’s gender can also be “fluid” and change over time. [33] X Research source
There is no specific way that a gay or lesbian person acts, dresses, or speaks—a person’s sexual orientation does not correlate with their gender expression. There may be, for instance, some gay people that describe themselves as more masculine, feminine, or gender-fluid, while lesbian individuals may similarly express themselves with varying degrees of masculinity, femininity, or gender-fluidity. Above all, gender expression is unique to each person, regardless of who they’re attracted to. [34] X Research source
It is a myth and a stereotype that bisexual individuals haven’t “decided” whether they’re gay or lesbian yet. This is also a harmful belief because it perpetuates the idea of “bisexual confusion,” in which bisexual people are described as unsure or just in the middle of a phase. Those who are bisexual also endure claims that they’re “promiscuous” because they experience attraction to both genders. If a person identifies as bisexual, then they are expressing a valid truth about themselves. Further, bisexual people are equally as capable of being faithful as anyone else. [35] X Research source
Absolutely! Many LGBT+ individuals cohabitate with each other, are part of happy relationship dynamics, and choose to start their own family units. As the social climate has become more accepting of LGBT+ people, more LGBT+ families have been able to be open about their lives. Additionally, many LGBT+ people are very invested in family planning—LGBT+ people are 6 times more likely to foster children and 4 times more likely to adopt children than their non-LGBT+ counterparts. [36] X Research source
Many LGBT+ people have rich religious lives and are deeply spiritual—however, others may feel more reluctant to be active in faith communities due to the discrimination or social ostracization they endured. Today, there are specific denominations, like Reform Judaism and the Episcopalian church, that are openly supportive of the LGBT+ community. Ultimately, LGBT+ individuals are free to follow their religious beliefs and are best served by faith-based communities that are vocal about including them. [37] X Research source
