The Myers-Briggs Personality type theory says that all people have 1 of 16 different basic personalities. These personalities can predict how you interact with people, the kinds of interpersonal problems and strengths that you have, and what kind of environment you live and work in best. [1] X Research source If you’re struggling to understand what makes you happy and what you should do with your life, consider taking a career test. These types of tests can help you decide what you might find the most satisfying, usually based on your personality and what you do for fun.
Just be aware that this is a disputed science, with many theories about how many learning styles exist, and you may get different results depending on which test you take.
How would you describe yourself in one sentence? What is your purpose in your life’s story? What is the most important thing that has ever happened to you? How did it change you? How are you different than the people around you?
Examples of strengths include determination, devotion, self-discipline, thoughtfulness, decisiveness, patience, diplomacy, communication skills, and imagination or creativity. Examples of weaknesses include close-mindedness, self-centeredness, difficulty perceiving reality, judgement of others, and issues with control.
If your house were burning down, what would you do? What would you save? It’s amazing how fire exposes our priorities. Even if you’d save something practical, like your tax records, that still says something about you (probably that you prefer to be prepared and not meet resistance in life). Another way to tell what your priorities are is to imagine that someone you love was being openly criticized for something that you don’t support (let’s say, they’re gay but you don’t agree with the lifestyle). Do you support them? Protect them? How? What would you say? Our actions in the face of peer criticism and possible ostracization can reveal our priorities. Some examples of priorities that people often have include: money, family, sex, respect, security, stability, material possessions, and comfort.
For example, maybe you tend to get really defensive around shoplifters and are very harsh to people you perceive as stealing. When you think about it, you might remember stealing a candy from a store as a child and your parents punishing you very harshly, which would explain your stronger than normal reaction to that behavior now.
For example, maybe you get really violently angry about people talking during a movie. Are you really angry about the talking or are you angry because you felt like it was a personal sign of disrespect towards you? Since this anger doesn’t help the situation, you might be better off trying to find ways that you can be less concerned about people respecting you, just to keep your own blood pressure down.
For example, you might think that you’re not sad about your grandma dying, but when your family decides to get rid of her favorite old chair you get really angry and upset. You’re not really upset about the chair being gone. It was stained, smelled funny, and probably contained radioactive foam for all you know. You’re upset that your grandma is gone.
For example, your friend might have just finished her PhD, but when you’re all talking about it, you turn the conversation to be about when you were working on your master’s. This might be because you feel embarrassed that you only got a master’s and they finished a PhD, so you want to make yourself feel more important or accomplished by making the conversation about you.
For example, if you’re choosing to only spend time with friends that have more money than you, it may show that you want to feel more wealthy by letting yourself pretend you’re equal to your friends in that way. Think about what you “hear” vs what was said. This is another thing you can look out for when examining your interactions with your friends and family. You might find that what you hear is something like “I need your help” when what they actually said was “I want your company”, revealing that you have a strong need to feel useful to others.
Stanford did a famous experiment with this called the Marshmallow Experiment [5] X Research source , where they watched how some kids reacted when presented with marshmallow treats and then followed their progress through life, over the course of many decades. The children who put off their treat in favor of a bigger reward did better in school, work, and health-related areas.
Remember that there’s nothing wrong with needing someone to give you instructions and guidance before doing a task. It’s just something to be aware of so that you can better understand and control your own behavior when important things come up. For example, if you know you’re bad at taking control in a situation but you know you need to, you can think about how your reluctance is just “a habit” that you can break and not a necessity.
You can also imagine these scenarios, but be aware that your hypothetical responses may be clouded by your bias and not accurate to how you’d really react. For example, imagine you were moving to a new town where no one knows you. Where would you go to make friends? What kind of people would you try to make friends with? Is there anything you’d change in terms of what you tell people about yourself vs what all your current friends know about you? This can reveal your priorities and what you’re looking for in your social interactions.
For example, when you’re babysitting your little brother, do you put him in timeout just for a small problem? Does this really help him learn or are you just trying to find reasons to put him in timeout?
Your media intake, such as TV shows, movies, books, and even what porn you watch. Your parents, who might teach you things varying from tolerance vs racism to material wealth vs spiritual wealth. Your friends, who will pressure you into enjoying certain things or introduce you to new and wonderful experiences.
Becoming less defensive about your weaknesses can also mean opening yourself up to getting help from other people and making amends for past mistakes. If you’re more open to discussion, criticism, and change, then other people can really help you understand and improve yourself.
For example, your sister might notice that you tend to exaggerate. But this is unintentional on your part, which can serve to show you that your perception of reality is a bit off. There’s a big difference between evaluating what they say about you and letting that opinion control your life and actions. You shouldn’t tailor your behavior to suit other people unless it is having a significantly negative impact on your life (and even then, you might want to consider that your environment might be the problem, not your behavior). Make changes because you want to change, not because someone else tells you that you should.
You don’t even have to do this activity for real, although helping your friends, family, and even strangers is a nice thing to do. You can give advice to your older and younger selves, in the form of a letter. This will help you think through your past experiences and what you took away from them, as well as what is really important to you for the future.
Traveling. Traveling will put you in lots of different situations and test your ability to handle stress and adapt to change. You’ll come to a greater understanding of your happiness, priorities, and dreams than you ever could just sitting in your same old boring life. Getting more education. Education, real education, challenges us to think in new ways. Getting an education will open your mind and lead you to think about things you’d never even considered. Your interests and how you feel about these new things you learn can reveal things about you. Letting go of expectations. Let go of other people’s expectations for you. Let go of your expectations for yourself. Let go of your expectations for what life should be like. When you do this, you’ll be more open to seeing what new experiences might make you happy and fulfilled. Life is a crazy roller-coaster and you’re going to encounter a lot of things that scare you because they’re new or different but don’t close yourself to those experiences. They might make you happier than you’ve ever been.
